Sorry seems to be the hardest word - or is it?


Sorry seems to be the hardest word is a song that we probably all know reasonably well but is sorry really so hard for most of us to say? Perhaps for the very few who might feel shamed by anything that makes seem "in the wrong" but most of us seem to say it quite regularly.


If we bump into people every time we are out shopping because we are looking at the shelves, if we find we often tread on the backs of our partners shoes when out walking or hurt their feelings possibly more frequently than we should - "Sorry!" pops out of our mouths with amazing speed. We repeat these actions time and again with seemingly little power to do anything else.


Instead of saying sorry, because in all probability we will do it again, perhaps we should be saying "I will change this". But can we?
Most people don't feel they know how to change the things they do and, as MRI scan show, our brains turn on the automated services to repeat tasks so that we don't have to think about them. We don't think about how to take the top off the boiled egg; pick up knife, aim at egg, swing knife, catch egg top, scoop out goodies, eat. Our brain is programmed to see egg and get on with it so we can concentrate on matters that are not fully automated.


So the hardest word might in fact be "change". But if we go back to Elton's song, he actually gives us some clues as how to change.
"What have I got to do to be heard" - perhaps partner, family or friends are already telling us but we aren't hearing what they say?
"What have I got to do to make you care" - perhaps they are already telling us they don't feel loved or cared about because we keep doing things we have to say sorry for?
"The situation is getting more and more absurd" the disagreements, arguments, fallings out are getting more frequent.


There will be messages in what they say that we can pick up on to think about and see how they relate to our own behaviour. We need to listen, hear what others are saying and practice doing things in other ways - we might be sorry but do we care enough not to do it? When we forget to do it, we simply start doing it again - it's not a failure, it's re-start that we can praise ourselves for.