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    Thread: Excuse the Pun

    1. #1

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Sep 2008
      Sunny South East England
      857 times
      Aldo is on a distinguished road

      Wink Excuse the Pun

      I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
      -When chemists die, they barium.
      -Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
      -How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
      -I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
      -This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
      -I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
      -I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
      -They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
      -PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
      -Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
      -We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
      -Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
      -When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
      -Broken pencils are pointless.
      -I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
      -What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
      -England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
      -I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
      -I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
      -I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
      -Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
      -Velcro, what a rip off!
      -A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
      -Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
      -The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
      -Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
      -When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
      -I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
      -Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
      -Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
      -Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
      -Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
      -A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
      -A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
      -Without geometry, life is pointless.
      -When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
      -Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
      -A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
      -Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
      -What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
      -A backwards poet writes inverse.
      -In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
      -With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
      -He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
      -Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
      -Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
      -What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
      -There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
      -The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"
      -Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
      -Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
      -When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked "Are you two an item?"
      -When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
      -This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."
      -A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."
      -A termite walks into a bar and says "Is the bar tender here?"
      -Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Hey get out! We don't want your type in here!"
      guest3160 likes this.
      it happens a lot everywhere in the world...

    2. Moneycorp - Commercial foreign exchange since 1979
    3. #2

      Join Date
      Feb 2011
      504 times
      guest3160 is on a distinguished road
      Very punny