Thread: Joke

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

* The husband*


A man and a woman are having dinner in a restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, spots that the man is slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. As the waitress watches, the man slides all the way under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite him appears not to notice. Finally, the waitress comes over to the table and whispers discreetly to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." "No, he didn't," the woman calmly replies. "He just walked in the door"!!!!

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
************************************************** ********************************


A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?"
. He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from.
He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES".
The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??" The parrot replies "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

The Wedding


Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all going grand," says Jock.

"I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly.

"Heavens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jock.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "that's grand, you'll look pure smart in that! "And what's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white..."

Thanks for sharing this useful information. It's great.
this is interesting.. thanks so much for sharing!
plan solution commission de surendettement - commission de surendettement, vous pouvez demander un dossier de surendettement.plan solution commission de surendettement

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Oh Andy have i missed your jokes. Just had a right good old chuckle

The Urine test

(This was written by a rig worker in the North Sea - What
he says makes a lot of sense!)

I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to
earn that pay cheque, I work on a rig for a drilling contractor. I am required to pass a
random urine test for drugs and alcohol, with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a benefits cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for
them?

Please understand that I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their arse drinking beer and smoking dope.

Could you imagine how much money the government would
save if people had to pass a urine test to get a benefit cheque?

Are you taking the p!$$, Andy?

I'm loving this thread! Sadly I'm one of those guys who can NEVER remember a good joke when I need to. I'm going to think funny thoughts tonight and see if I remember something for tomorrow....

keep them coming everyone!