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    1. #1

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jul 2008
      1 times
      Andy is on a distinguished road

      New Joke for today

      How To Shower Like a Woman

      Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry
      basket according to lights and darks.

      Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

      If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

      Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
      do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

      Get in the shower.

      Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

      Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

      Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

      Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

      Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

      Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

      Shave armpits and legs.

      Turn off shower.

      Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

      Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.

      Get out of shower.

      Dry with towel the size of a small country.

      Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

      Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

      How To Shower Like a Man

      Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

      Walk naked to the bathroom.

      If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

      Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

      Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

      Get in the shower.

      Wash your face.

      Wash your armpits.

      Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

      Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

      Wash your hair.

      Make a Shampoo Mohican


      Rinse off and get out of shower.

      Partially dry off.

      Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

      Admire willy size in mirror again.

      Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

      If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

      Throw wet towel on bed.


    2. Moneycorp - Commercial foreign exchange since 1979
    3. #2
      Ok Seeing as we are on the women/men jokes

      Here is something for you men to bear in mind !!!!

      Nine words women use...

      Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
      right and you need to shut up.

      Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
      Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
      minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

      Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
      and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
      usually end in fine.

      Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

      Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
      often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
      idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
      with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

      That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman
      can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
      before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

      Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
      you're welcome.

      Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

      Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
      this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
      is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
      wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!